That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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