I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
