we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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