Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
