My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
