Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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