I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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