im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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