I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
