So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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