Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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