I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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