good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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