Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
