Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
