If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
