two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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