Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
