Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
