smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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