I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
