I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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