every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
