She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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