i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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