he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
