He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who died my cat blue again?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
