This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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