6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
