I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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