I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
