Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
