If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
