My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
