I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
