how can u be prego again
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
