Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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