used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
