I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
