Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
