So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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