she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
