oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
