Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
