halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
