dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
