Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
