he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
