I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i love accidental penises.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
