You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
