I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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