Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
