areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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