Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
worst night to have a conscience
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
