He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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