Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
