would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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