flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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