True but thats because hes a fetus.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
