Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His nipple licking is glorious
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