This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.