? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
