playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's allergic to latex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF