Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce