People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
