Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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