I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
