You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
