Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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