How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
