Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
