Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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