My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
