I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
