Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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