eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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