Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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