I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
