Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
